“There are no cats in America, and the streets are paved with cheese”

Fivol the mouse was quick to sing this song about coming to America.  Well, if he were immigrating to Germany, he would be singing about hedgehogs and slugs.  Every morning, there is fresh hedgy-road kill.  I never knew there were so many hedgehogs.  I thought they were rare. They must be slow and dumb, because they are all over the place.  It’s gross and sad.  But, not as gross as what happens after a good rain.  Imagine you are a small banana, without peel, lying on the side of the road.  Someone drives over you.  They notice a little extra texture to the road, but not enough to slow down.  Would you stick to the wheel? Would you splatter the wheel well? How would you look?  Ok, now wake up, because you’re not a little banana, you’re a giant slug.  You come out with your hundred friends after the rain has stopped.  Maybe you think the road will warm you up after the shower, or you have succumbed to the deer-in-the-headlights disease, or aliens made you do it.  The problem is, I am going to run you over, along with all the other cars out there, and squish you little brains and whatevers out, and I don’t want to feel you get run over, or think about you stuck in the wheel treads, or splattered all over the undercarriage.  Please stay off the road. Disgusting. Disaster!July 25th 018

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